You finally found it; the chinese woman of your dreams. The love of your life. The next step is exciting and scary. Exciting, because it is your dream come true; scary, because you’re not sure how her parents will accept you. Your Chinese girlfriend is very open-minded, but she is also a very filial daughter; When proposing to her, you must remember that her parents’ approval is of the utmost importance to your wife.
Her parents still come from an older generation of Chinese who can still place a higher value on arranged marriages and perhaps not much on romantic love. This means that while your proposal may be as romantic as possible, and even after your girlfriend has happily accepted it, the true success of your proposal will still depend on her parents’ acceptance of you.
Most likely, the first time you meet the parents of your now fiancée will be when you formally ask for their hand in marriage. You may have made your proposal to your girlfriend of a traditionally Western nature with your creativity, but the proposal you will make to her parents will have to be traditionally Chinese.
Usually a formal Chinese engagement is carried out with a visit from the man and his family to the girl and her family. The date of the visit is carefully chosen with the use of feng shui. A dowry is awarded: the girl’s parents usually determine the exact amount and other gifts. And then both parties agree on a wedding date, which is usually set within a year after the engagement.
Ideally, the first time your girlfriend’s parents meet you will not also be the first time they find out about you. In any case, the fact that your daughter is dating a foreigner often means that they will not expect her “engagement visit” or engagement proposal to strictly follow Chinese customs.
Regardless, you should do your best to follow some of your traditional participation practices. This will definitely earn you a lot of points with their parents, and hopefully help you win their approval.
So when you finally meet the parents, bring them some presents. Ask your fiancée what she will appreciate the most, the traditional ones and the ones that also represent your own culture; Your sincere efforts to adopt some Chinese customs as well as unique foreign gifts will be appreciated.
Traditionally, the man offers the woman a piece or some pieces of jewelry, not necessarily an engagement ring, but these still symbolize the official commitment. After you have given your fiancee her engagement ring / jewelry gift, you should start the conversation about your intentions with her parents.
Sometimes they will start the conversation themselves with questions about their motivations, plans, goals, and background. So when you start the conversation yourself, and if they don’t ask you any questions, you need to provide this information.
The most important thing any parent will want to know is that their daughter is loved and well cared for. This is exactly where your proposal speech should begin, but first thank them for their hospitality. Let them know how you feel about your daughter, that they don’t have to worry about her well-being and future, or about your intention to marry her. Normally, he will address his parents as “uncle” and “aunt”.
Offer them information about your job / career, your plans for the future after you get married. Above all, knowing that you are a worker, that you have a stable job, and that you have the right priorities will be enough to assure them that the future of your daughter and your future grandchildren will be secure.
And then let them know what date you and your fiancee have decided for the wedding. Again, it will be best if you follow Chinese customs and, with your fiancee, determine an auspicious date for the wedding using feng shui. Or you can even wait until the meeting with your parents so that they can participate in choosing the wedding date.
In case you and your fiancee have decided not to schedule a wedding right away because you both feel that you are not ready / stable enough to start a family yet, you should also explain this to your future in-laws. While they may feel that the wedding should take place as soon as possible, they will also appreciate your practical wisdom.
As long as they can see the sincerity of your intentions and how much you truly love their daughter and your genuine desire to care for her, the parents of your Chinese sweetheart will have no reason not to give both of you their blessing.