Introduction
Trust is probably the most important ingredient in fostering a healthy and committed relationship and is commonly known to be the glue that holds a couple together. Trust is the deep faith and assurance that your partner will respect you and not take advantage of you or hurt you. It is a feeling that you are genuine, authentic, trustworthy, and sincere. This connection allows you to be completely uninhibited and open to being vulnerable and sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings, blemishes and all! Time and experience with your man have allowed a climate of security to develop in your relationship because both of you have consistently demonstrated honor and strength of character in your actions toward each other and those around you.
While trust takes time to develop and is a hallmark of a successful relationship, it can be damaged very quickly if not nurtured, causing serious consequences for the future of the partnership affected by an indiscretion. Once trust has been compromised, it can be very difficult to repair it, and in some cases, the damage can be irreversible. This article will offer some advice for those couples investing in bridging the gap and trying to restore deteriorated trust in their relationships.
the shattered foundation
Everything that has been built in a relationship falls apart once trust has been breached, so it is usually not a quick fix and requires a lot of time and energy spent to repair. Maybe he cheated on you. Maybe you told him a white lie. I may have broken a promise with you. No matter how small or serious the crime may seem, the dynamics and sense of security that the relationship once shared will likely change.
Building trust in someone can be difficult when there has been a history of emotional/verbal/physical abuse, when one’s feelings have been downplayed or ignored, or when there is an unresolved grievance or pain from the past. Family history and previous relationship experiences can also be contributing factors to difficulties with trust, as well as significant stress, low self-esteem, and addictions. Just the nature of being gay can make us prone to mistrust due to years spent hiding behind masks or “closet doors” to protect ourselves from homophobia. And when the man we fell in love with betrays that last bond of brotherhood, it can be devastating, leading to an almost paranoid state of always evaluating his every move and action and becoming hypersensitive to any possible hint of disloyalty in order to compensate and guard against getting hurt. . hurt again. Intimacy suffers and the level of involvement tends to distance itself.
Tips to rebuild trust
While it may seem insurmountable at times, it is quite possible to heal broken trust and come out on the other side with a positive outcome. However, you must first decide if you are really interested in saving your relationship and if you are doing it for the right reasons. If rape goes against your core beliefs and values, is it really a good choice for a partner? Avoiding being alone and having to start over is not a good reason to discount inappropriate behavior that goes against who you are and what you stand for. Make sure your motives are in the right place and that each of you shares a genuine common vision to overcome and conquer this challenge because your relationship is worth it.
Here are some tips for those couples involved in that process. These recommendations can help promote the chances of progressing through the hurdles of trust repair into a new lifetime of possibilities as partners for life:
· Get a good handle on any projections that may be being triggered from the past; your boyfriend is not your ex or your father who may have hurt you before. Focus on the here and now and deal directly with this current reality and not with those distractions that you will still need to grieve and complete.
· Reach out to others. Nothing can help restore the human spirit better than serving those in need or seeing acts of kindness in motion. This helps to renew the fact that there is goodness in people and this can be achieved through volunteering for a charity or taking advantage of spirituality places for example. Also access their support system.
· You and your partner will need to communicate and listen to each other; make sure you know how to do it right, and enlist the help of a trained therapist if needed. Difficult discussions abound, and each of you will need to be able to express and understand the perspectives of others. You will also need to acknowledge and validate each other’s experiences of the problem and come to understand how and why this happened, while staying focused on the problem at hand.
· Each of you should take responsibility for the roles you played in the indiscretion and be willing to apologize and forgive each other.
In your problem solving, you will need to create a new “relationship contract”, agreeing to behavior that is fair vs. unfair and ensuring that each of you shares these same definitions. Identify any unrealistic expectations to avoid sabotage situations.
Create a healing climate in your relationship. There is no longer room for competition, jealousy, guilt, or defensiveness. Introduce more tenderness and attention to the needs of others. Show each other constantly that each of you is a priority to the other and remember that you get back what you put into your relationship (The Law of Attraction).
Control your internal dialogue and counteract any negative thoughts that may interfere with your relationship efforts and your self-esteem. Begin the process of re-establishing a secure identity where you are open to taking risks and being vulnerable again.
· Learn to “let go” of any bitterness so that each of you has the opportunity to grow and change. Take an inventory of your partner’s positive memories, behaviors, interactions, and characteristics to keep yourself balanced and hopeful.
conclusion
The road to recovery from broken trust can lead you to great self-discovery and growth in your relationship with sustained effort and a positive mindset. Recognize how trust issues develop between you and your partner, identify the behaviors needed to overcome obstacles, and address any roadblocks that may prevent you from reaching your goals. And finally, keep in mind that trust needs constant nurturing in relationships and that the hardest thing in the world for you right now is an essential component of moving on: making yourself vulnerable again. But by opening up, you will really be able to see if you are loved for who you really are, and you will be a more active and happy participant in life.