Observe the 4 Phases of an Adventure – How You Can Recognize an Adventure in Progress
Dave Carder is a Christian Relations Author. His well-known book, Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You Know About Protecting Your Marriage, discusses the warning signs and “close calls” that people tend to overlook when they or their spouse are having an affair.
One of the topics Carder discusses in Close Calls is the relatively consistent phases of infidelity and sexual relationships. Referring to the phases as a “dangerous sequence,” he explains how things can progress from relatively harmless and innocent to horribly out of control.
According to Carder, there are four phases of situations close to infidelity, each one increasingly dangerous and alarming than the last.
Phase 1 is when the parties experience an increasing mutual attraction to each other. “Most parties don’t start with the intention of committing adultery,” explains Carder. It states that the more people know each other, the more attraction grows. Consider this natural, as you feel that God has instilled a sexual nature in all of us. In fact, he believes that denying this attraction only “intensifies” the situation, and people are driven to unconsciously seek interactions with these individuals.
The entanglement occurs in Phase 2 and involves sharing illicit feelings with each other. Any communication with the other party becomes sexually charged and highly anticipated, whether in person or over the phone and in emails or instant messages.
However, in some minor ways, entanglement can be as subtle as dropping hints about interest. For example, someone might say to another, “If I wasn’t married / engaged / involved, I’d love the opportunity to talk / sleep / go out / have an affair with you.” However, this is usually the phase where an affair begins, and many times the parties feel that the connection was spontaneous.
Phase 3 is characterized by destabilization. If one or both parties felt that their relationship went against their moral code, then there is a possibility that they will try to stop the relationship. This intermittent quality of adventure dangerously prolongs the relationship and creates unhealthy emotional bonds.
At this point, both partners can feel comfortable and secure in the presence of the other in their lives, even when they are not together 24/7. They both desperately feel the need to be desired by someone else and feel that this is something they no longer get in their main relationships at home.
When people try to part ways after an affair and move on with their lives, they still find that they yearn for the reassurance of others, and this is what sets them back. Marriages who can embrace this process, cyclical need and search for the other, can expect to see a healthy change in their relationship.
Termination and resolution is the fourth and final phase of an issue. Although you feel that trust and security have been built between the partners in the adventure, maintaining the feelings of trust and security becomes difficult. The artificial intimacy built by sexual intercourse begins to fade and the passion fades.
Too often, spouses may return to their marriage and find that the passion they had in their affairs was exactly what was lacking at home. Sometimes they may try to bring that passion back to their marriages in an effort to rebuild with their partners. (Many times, experts indicate that unusually spontaneous passionate behavior like this It is indeed a sign of infidelity in the spouse).