Create a happily ever after love Tip: ask and you will receive.
If you don’t ask, hoping instead that the person you love can read your mind and give you what you’re thinking, chances are you’re still frustrated.
Mind reading is a common obstacle in communication. If you are a mind reader,
- You may get mad at the person you love because of what you think your partner is thinking.
- You may feel frustrated when your loved one behaves in a certain way because you think they are acting that way just to irritate you.
- You may believe that he / she should “know” what you want or need, without you having to say anything.
Remember that you and your loved one have two separate heads that house two very different brains. Even if they grew up side by side and were raised with similar values and beliefs, they would still have different ways of thinking and doing things.
More often, especially with the advent of online dating and the rise of long distance relationships, values and beliefs are very different. What may be “common sense” to you is totally foreign to the person you love.
So your job as part of a loving team is to ask for what you need. Ask in a loving way, not demanding or angry, and your loved one will be more likely to listen carefully and help you meet your needs.
If you don’t know where to start or how to ask, start with these simple steps:
- Ask your partner / spouse if this is a good time to talk.
- If it’s not a good time, ask when it would be a good time, suggesting talking in an hour or after the children have gone to bed.
- When you meet to talk at the agreed time, say that you have something in mind that you want to talk about. Avoid the dreaded “We need to talk,” acknowledging that you have something YOU want to talk about.
- Use “me” language, such as “I feel bad / sad / hurt.”
- Avoid criticizing the person you love. Criticism promotes defensiveness and will not help you meet your needs.
- Speak in terms of what you need and not what you are not obtain. For example: “I need more time with you” instead of “You will never be home.”
You may want to write down what you would like to say and practice it out loud. When you do this, notice what sounds critical or hurtful, and change it before saying what’s on your mind.
Learning and implementing effective communication tools is a must if you want to have a happy and successful relationship.