I’ve never faced this decision before … I did not know what to do. When I was first diagnosed with the HIV virus, I read countless articles about it and then suffered from information overload and depressing confusion. One article spoke in favor of taking the highly toxic HIV / AIDS drugs, and then I read another that spoke against it with an equally compelling argument.
As a member of the Church of God, I knew that we encourage members to have faith in God and teach physicians to have their place, but that it is very limited. As I told my doctor: “Miracles have no side effects and they are free.” We are all familiar with the poor lady of Scripture who spent all she had on doctors and was no better for it and then Jesus mercifully healed her.
I screamed at God, “I don’t know what to do. What should I do?” to know You can heal me, but what am I supposed to do for myself? “And shortly after he called my mother, who simply said,” You can always try the drugs and if you don’t like them, you can always stop taking them. “How logical!
I immediately started my HIV drug therapy, my AIDS “cocktail.” I know some who have taken medication with few side effects, but I could barely walk when I started, it was worse than being an amazing drunk, and the nightmares were out of this world … when you finally fell asleep. Later I regained my balance, but the nightmares, night sweats, and irritability continued. I’d be soaked like I just got out of the shower and my arms and legs would tingle. Regardless, I strictly adhered to the program for over a year and then said enough was enough. I admit it lowered the HIV viral load to “undetectable” (although it’s still on the prowl).
I decided that I wanted quality over quantity of life. I would rather feel good for fewer years than have more years in misery. At least that sounded good. Once again, I saw stories on TV about other people who praised the drugs and were close to death and recovered, but one thing is for sure: everyone is an individual and everyone must decide whether or not to take medication.
My infectious disease doctor wanted me to take the medications and encouraged me to try another regimen. So I tried nine pills a day of this with two a day of that and held on for several weeks and then said I’d rather be dead and stop taking it again. Later I took other medications and took Bactrim to fight infections and although I did not have any serious side effects, I just didn’t feel good. In fact, I felt so much better without the drugs!
So I created my own program: on drugs for 6-8 weeks to lower my viral load (because I start to freak out as it goes up) and then stop taking them. I found it called “Systematic Treatment Interruption”, which some studies suggested was good, but now the consensus seems to be bad, although I am skeptical about the lucrative pharmaceutical industry, a view that has been reinforced by Dr. Peter Duesberg.
I have seen scriptures where God promises to forgive all your sins and heal all your illnesses. (Ps. 103: 3), and I wonder why God hasn’t taken this terrible self-inflicted disease from me since I have confessed and forsaken my sins (Jer. 30:15, 17). (Some have illnesses that they are not to blame). I also know that AIDS has helped me stay celibate, as the Bible prescribes for all singles, and that God says: “My grace is enough” (2 Corinthians 12: 9).
I have had miraculous answers to prayer; I am sure that God can heal:
“I will not die, but will live and recount the works of the LORD. The LORD has punished me severely, but he has not handed me over to death” (Psalm 118: 17-18).
Thy will be done.