This is a funny short story about lying. Lying is a learned skill. Some people are good at it and some are not. Poker players can’t win without being good at it. Politicians cannot be elected without perfecting the art. As parents, we have to be able to detect it. The key for the liar is knowing when to try (you can get away with it) and when to show restraint. Fortunately, most of our young children are really bad now, but I predict that they will sadly get better as they get older. This funny tale won’t help you deal with lying, but it will hopefully encourage you while you do.
We have two children; they are approximately the same age (girl-9 and boy-7). They’re also about the same size, which becomes important when fists are flying, but it doesn’t really come into play for lying. As you have no doubt already guessed (based on your own experience), the most common case is a pair of fingers pointing in the opposite direction.
I know SOMEONE did. It’s not even worth asking Mom if SHE did because when was the last time Mom mistakenly (or lazily) dropped a half-eaten candy cane on the carpet floor? And sure, I had a couple of drinks last night, but I don’t even LIKE candy canes. No, the culprit is definitely standing right in front of me. All I have to do is find out who he is.
Here’s the fun part: While I’m planning my next move in response to the accusing finger-crossing, the guilty party raises their butt!…and I can’t figure out why! Perhaps it’s because neither of them (or at least the culprit) took the time to reflect on how even Sherlock Holmes wouldn’t know where to begin. It is not out of fear; I haven’t even raised my voice to any of them (I’m saving it for the right time, like it’s the first time one of them drinks and drives or commits some other stupid life-threatening sin).
The punishment is minor. Pick up the candy cane and spend a minute or so scrubbing the sticky carpet with a damp sponge…or if the offense was not saving the Wii video game, you lose a day of access to the device. My best guess is that the lack of sting included in the punishment is what is aiding in the perpetrator discovery phase.
Children do not fare better in the other side scenario. “Who spilled food coloring all over the fireplace?” produces the two pointing fingers, but only one of them is covered in purple food coloring. It’s hard not to laugh.
Another fun story (shorter but funnier), about a year ago I went for a walk with my friend and his two children. In the interest of his privacy, I neither confirm nor deny that this friend is related to me, or even that this friend exists outside of my vivid imagination. Anyway, I’m talking on my cell phone and at some point there’s a commotion that catches my eye. I hear my friend say, “I sure wasn’t TRYING to kick you!” The boy chimes in: “I was trying to kick her, but I missed and kicked his bike instead of hers.”
Well, there you have it. They have a lot to learn before they graduate from law school. In the meantime, let’s welcome their lack of skill in the art of deception, in the hope that it will take as long as possible for them to catch on. Meanwhile, it also provides a lot of material for a fun short story.
DISCLAIMER: While the events depicted above are representative of actual events in the author’s life, the details of the story may be blurred or embellished for the benefit of the reader’s enjoyment and for the benefit of SEO (search engine optimization; key phrase is ” funny story”… Admit it, that’s what you typed in the search box).