A few years ago, Connie and I took vacations in Washington, DC, and Northern Virginia. I love history and enjoy visiting grand homes, so two of our stops were George Washington’s Mt. Vernon and Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello. After touring the houses and listening to the guides talk about these men, I realized that they had very different personalities.
These two men fascinated me, so I studied their lives. I learned that Washington accepted command of the Continental Army when that ragtag group had almost no hope against the British Redcoats, the most powerful army in the world. She risked everything for a cause that seemed doomed, but his courage and resolve carried him and his men through long and difficult years of battle, death, disease and bitter cold. As a general and as the first president, Washington’s nobility and integrity guided him and our country. Time and time again, people wanted this great man to become more of a king than a president, but he always humbly handed over power rather than insist on more. After two terms, he chose to step down when he could easily have been president for life. When Emperor Napoleon learned that Washington had voluntarily resigned, he was astounded. At the thought of doing the same, he remarked, “I’m not Washington!”
Jefferson’s crucial role in the founding of the country is undeniable. The beauty and power of his thoughts in the Declaration of Independence continue to inspire us today, but in his biography of John Adams, historian David McCullough describes a darker side to Jefferson’s life. During the Washington and Adams administrations, Jefferson repeatedly schemed to tarnish Adams’s reputation, although he denied any involvement in these activities at the time. Instead of nobility and integrity, Jefferson’s political legacy reads more like Watergate.
In their financial dealings, Washington and Jefferson were polar opposites. Both owned large plantations and experienced financial difficulties in the early years of the country. Washington was disciplined and wise in handling money, and when he died, he had one of the richest estates in the nation. In contrast, Jefferson spent money on frivolous things his entire life. His journals record prodigal spending on all kinds of purchases, from the best leather gloves to the best wines. To repay his loans, Jefferson often sold slaves and dismantled his houses. When he died, his estate was deeply in debt and he left a legacy of selfishness, foolish spending and broken families.
William James wrote: “The greatest use of a life is to spend it on something that survives.” Unfortunately, many people follow Jefferson’s example more than Washington’s. When I meet with clients, I usually ask questions about what matters most to them. Sometimes I hear descriptions of wonderful, compelling purposes that inspire me, but sometimes people tell me that all they want in life is more money to spend on themselves. These people may be relentlessly driven to achieve success at all costs, or they may have inherited your wealth and be able to indulge your every whim. Either way, their self-absorption causes them to miss out on rich relationships, the joy and peace of real contentment, and the excitement of seeing their lives touch others. They may have a lot of money and a passion for even more, but their paths eventually lead to dead ends.
In my life (and I suspect I’m not alone in this), one of the biggest drivers that drives me down dead ends is comparison. For years, I woke up every day, consciously or unconsciously, comparing the possessions and pleasures that Connie and I had with those of others. My conclusion was that I needed a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger bank account, and a bigger wife (just kidding, Connie). If the successes and possessions of others are the yardstick, nothing is ever good enough because we can always find people who have more and bigger things. Companies add fuel to this fire of misplaced desire when they hand out awards, accolades, and plaques that honor those who led the company in sales, even if they lost their families and health in their pursuit. The directors of the company may know who has “comparison virus” and they will sell their soul to be the best salesperson, so in the annual meeting, the boss will call them on the stage and say: “You are the best Everyone, look at him (or her). This is what you can be if you work that hard.” I know how all that works because I bought that line. I was consumed by the comparison. I was winning prizes and making a lot of money, but after a while, I felt completely emotionally bankrupt. I became clinically depressed: hopeless, helpless, and confused. The comparison rotted my soul.
It is important for all of us to dedicate our lives to something that will survive. Whether we’re buried in debt, barely afloat, or with money in the bank but still worried, we can take steps to discover what’s truly meaningful to us.