“Let’s just be friends”… the words still ring strangely in your ears. As if dealing with a breakup wasn’t hard enough, some guys want to keep in touch with you even after the relationship ends. Some couples call, email, and even hang out long after they’re done. It seems natural: you get along with your ex in a friendship role, but in a relationship role you just argue and fight. So why not be friends with your ex? It’s certainly possible, right? They are both mature adults and both know what they want, so why not give it a try?
Well, there are several reasons. The first and most important thing is that she is probably still in love with him. Continuing to be friends with someone after you’ve broken up usually indicates that you’re not completely over the relationship. While you’ll try to rationalize the friendship and convince yourself that it’s strictly platonic, you’ll always hope, even a little bit, for something more. What if you were the one who left him? He’s going to be the one to pray for a reconciliation. The simple fact is that no break is completely clean. Someone always gets hurt. And who was that person? He or she will eventually put a strain on the “friendship.”
On the surface, friendship seems like a good easy route. You don’t have to miss your ex-boyfriend: you can still see him… call him… email and text him. Best of all, you no longer have the fights and disputes that you used to have when you were dating. There is no obligation to do anything together, and when you do hang out, there are no complications arising from the two of you sleeping together. Being friends with your ex-boyfriend is all puppies and ice cream…or at least, that’s how it looks on paper.
In reality, however, problems will arise. Hanging out will be fun at first, but one or both of you will eventually want to have sex again. Lazing around one night after renting a movie, I mean, hey, why not? You two have done it many times, you can certainly handle a few more. But sleeping with your ex leads to unwanted emotional attachment. No matter how fun it is, you’ll feel used when he doesn’t call you for a few days, which is what friends sometimes do.
Dating is another big problem. Even if you maintain a healthy, sex-free friendship with your ex-boyfriend… what happens when he gets a new girlfriend? Will you see it that much? Will he introduce you as an ex-girlfriend that he still dates or hide that little detail? And how will you feel once he starts spending more time with her, let alone you? Jealous? Of course you will. Because watching your ex move on with his life while you’re home alone just sucks.
The opposite scenario is just as sticky. Let’s say you meet a new guy, you start seeing him, and then the two of you are suddenly boyfriend and girlfriend. Are you still dating and contacting your ex-boyfriend? If so, do you tell your new man about it? Chances are, he’s not very understanding when you’re still talking, emailing, and getting along with someone you’ve ever slept with. Guys tend to want their girlfriends all to themselves, they don’t have to share them with other guys who already know them on some pretty intimate levels.
Now, if you’re looking to get back together with your boyfriend, being friends might seem like a great idea. It allows you to stay close to your ex while you figure out how to win back his heart. You can monitor what he’s up to, know who he’s with, and ultimately patch things up to the point where you’re dating again. Good?
Not so fast.
Being friends with your ex when you still love them is even more painful than going through the pain of separation. Your ex knows that you still like him, which is why he is going to cheat on you while he looks for other options. Your ex-boyfriend is free to see, date, and sleep with other girls in this scenario… and you have to clap your hands happily and wish him luck because you are his “friend” of him and you only want the best for him. Screw that.
The path to get your boyfriend back does not go through friendship. There are ways to get your ex back that involve letting go of your past relationship and creating a new environment where your ex wants you back. Establishing a friendship with your ex actually makes this process more difficult. As long as they remain friends, they can never be with him again. And how much longer do you keep up the facade of that pseudo-relationship? The deeper you fall into the friend zone.
Never substitute being friends with an ex boyfriend for the long-lasting relationship you really want. Fight to get your ex back using the right channels to make him miss you, think of you and love you again. It is the only way to mend your break up and start dating your ex. Friendship with your ex-boyfriend is always a dead end.