Communication is the way you relate and connect in your relationships. It is obvious that if communication is poor, the entire relationship will be under significant stress and they are more likely to hurt each other with the words they use or with silence. In the end, most of us prefer a fulfilling relationship where the lines of communication are open and flowing.
Why is communication important?
Communication is what brings connection. To relate to anything or anyone we need to have some form of communication. Remember that communication is only partly about words, more than half is transmitted by body language and more than a third by the tonality with which we pronounce the words.
One of the worst punishments given to prisoners is ‘solitary confinement’. This is because being able to connect and communicate is one of the basic needs of being human. Removing that is the punishment.
bad communication
Silence and evasiveness: You may have had days in your relationship when you weren’t speaking to each other due to arguments, misunderstandings, or hurt. After a while, you usually start to communicate again, but still, silence and obstructions, which is where you pretend to listen but only engage with the essentials, are two common ways that communication has become poor. .
Emotional charge: Communication can become difficult when it is often charged with strong emotions such as anger, frustration, and rage. The willingness to allow vulnerability and be honest is almost impossible in the face of the emotional charge that the ‘fight or flight reaction’ provokes.
Balance: If a partner is going above and beyond by listening and supporting, communication can become poor over time. This pattern also often brings with it disappointment or resentment, if not addressed.
Abuse: Communication that is filled with personal abuse and belittling will quickly become detrimental to the relationship. It is usually set in a relationship pattern with a partner with low self-esteem.
Because it hurts?
It’s simple: the examples of poor communication mentioned above show that if they continue over time, they erode self-confidence and self-esteem to such an extent that if the relationship with oneself is not healthy, codependency forms. The reason it hurts is because the self in you that knows right and wrong is giving you a clear message: This is not acceptable!
Recall a time when you and your best friend or significant other had a fantastic time together or enjoyed each other’s company. It is in those moments when we feel that we are on the same wavelength that our interactions with each other flow. It is then when we speak the same language, when communication works healthy and easily, which may not even include words.