Perhaps you have been secretly fantasizing about divorce. Perhaps you are in an abusive relationship and spend most of your day trying to figure out how to get out of your marriage. Before you start anything, there are some important facts that you need to know.
“That’s not me,” you’re saying. “Even though things aren’t perfect, we would never part.” That is what many women think. So they are surprised. What if your partner initiates a divorce that you never saw coming? Maybe you should read this even if you think it doesn’t belong to you, just in case.
1. Know where the money is.
Divorce gets ugly. Fast. That man who absolutely adores you today may try to hide assets from you tomorrow. Make sure you know where all the money is and where all the debt is. If an asset (or a liability) was acquired during the marriage, then it is marital. That is, it belongs to both of them. If he bought something before the marriage, then his spouse is not entitled to it, and vice versa. That also applies to debt that was acquired before the marriage.
2. Keep a journal.
If you’re ever faced with a split, you’ll be glad you have a record of what happened and when (as will your attorney). It’s a pretty simple thing to do: just keep a notebook in your bag or next to your bed, and get into the habit of recapping the day’s events. Something that seems unimportant may now become the evidence you need to prove your case.
3. Have a 3-month emergency fund.
Maybe you have a friend or family member who is willing and able to keep you afloat for three months. But if you don’t, then you should save enough money to last you (and your children) at least three months. I know, I know, I just finished talking about how it can hide assets from you, and now I’m telling you to do the same. But this is a safeguard to protect you and your children in the short term; he has no intention of keeping what is rightfully his from him. See the difference? And why three months? Because that is the approximate time it will take for a short to issue and enforce a temporary child support order.
4. Find divorce attorneys now.
Learn who is the best matrimonial attorney in your area and price range. Be prepared to retain it as soon as necessary. (That means having a minimum of $5,000 in cash on hand.) If you wait until you’re in the middle to start Googling and asking your friends, it’s possible that her husband has snagged the guy or girl, and you’re left with inferior representation. . Plus, it takes time to do the right level of research, and that’s exactly what you won’t have. I have known people who have had an initial introductory session (often free of charge) with a top-notch attorney JUST IN CASE YOU EVER find yourself in a divorce situation. In this way, the lawyer is prevented from taking the case of the other party because that initial session has already taken place. Yeah, that seems pretty pessimistic, and I’m not saying it’s for everyone, but just saying.
5. Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint.
It can (and usually does) take a lot longer than you think. Mine took six years! Don’t think you’ll be in and out and on to the next thing so quickly. Get ready for a long haul. You will need to be in top shape (physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, financially, and spiritually) to make it to the end. Things will come to you at lightning speed. You will have to make decisions that will affect your life and that of your children forever. You will have to be there for your children in ways you never imagined. So if you think divorce is on your horizon, start preparing now. The best way to get help doing this is from a qualified divorce coach. The right coach can help you gain clarity on what the best possible outcome would be for you and your entire family, and help you devise a plan of action to achieve it. And he or she can do this while also monitoring your physical, mental, psychological, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It’s the first (and smartest) investment to make when starting your divorce.
Congratulations! She is now better educated and better prepared for what awaits most women who get divorced. These five elements can make the difference between barely surviving your divorce and fully thriving during and long after the papers are signed.