Whether it’s the anniversary of a public event like the Boston Marathon bombings or the Columbine shootings, or a not-so-public anniversary of a friend or neighbor’s tragedy, it’s important to reach out and show you haven’t forgotten. Many people will jump in to help immediately and that is very necessary, but there are always an opportunity to show that you are still remembering much later.
So what can we do months or even years in the future?
- Remember the anniversary. Some people are very organized and enter the date of a loss or sad event in their phone or calendar so that a reminder appears a year later. Others of us may only remember the season… when the trees began to bloom, the fish jumped, the leaves fell, or the snow began to fly. Simply remembering and saying or doing something comforting is the key.
- Visit a memorial site. In some traditions, people place a stone on the headstone to show their memory and respect. Others may place fresh flowers. Either way, it lets the family know that someone visited and they are not forgotten.
- Send a random note or email. A quick card or email that says “I was thinking about you today. I saw a… (butterfly, flowering tree, baseball game, drag race) and thought how much… (Danny, Jan) would have liked to see too. I miss… (him, her) a lot.”
- Send or pass some flowers. It doesn’t have to be an expensive bouquet or plant; just some pretty flowers from the grocery store will do.
- Send a photo of the loved one. Don’t let those photos stay in boxes or on your camera or phone. Share them with the people who would love to see them.
- “Pay it forward” by doing something in memory of the sick or deceased loved one. Let them know that you remember by… (running a race to earn money, planting a tree, donating blood, volunteering for a charity) in honor of the loved one.
- Perform a random act of kindness. Let the family know that you did it because “that’s what…(Sam, Maria) would have done.”
- Just spend time. Take the friend, neighbor, or family member out for coffee, lunch, a game, or a walk around the block.
- Be a Secret Santa ANY time of the year. Leave some baked goods, fun toys or art supplies for the kids, or treats for the dogs. Who wouldn’t love a random surprise at the door and then enjoy the mystery of who delivered it?
We all would like to take away the pain and struggles that follow trauma or death, but we can’t. However, we can walk alongside our friends and loved ones, offering some comfort to their troubled lives. Now is a good time to make this happen.
Copyright 2014 Allidah Hicks and Bonnie Knuti. All rights reserved.