“When I say black, my son says white.”
“If I tell my son no, he does it anyway”
“My son spends hours figuring out how things work.”
“My son is so stubborn I don’t know what to do with him!”
Does it sound familiar to you?
Some children are easily redirected to new activities and will easily obey when you say “no.” Some children will refuse to cooperate and will persist in doing what they want to do. These children are called stubborn. However, many experts assure that these children are really persistent and it is a trait that parents should value.
We can learn to admire our persistent children, but first we must learn to deal with them. Here are 6 ways to do just that:
1. Find what triggers your persistent behavior:
Most persistent children do not respond well to direct commands, are told that they cannot do what they want, or their wishes are thwarted. They also have trouble listening when parents give inconsistent and unclear boundaries.
2. Think positive:
To help us appreciate these children, we can view them in a positive light. We can say to ourselves, these children are committed to the task at hand, they are goal oriented, they are not willing to give up, they are assertive and they love to debate. They will be adults who really get attached to things.
3. Manage your feelings:
These children may want to obey, but are hampered by their need for control. We can help them understand their feelings by telling them:
“It’s hard for you to hear ‘no’.”
“When you hear ‘no’, you want to fight back immediately.”
“You like to make your own decisions.”
4. Get them to listen:
There are ways we can involve your cooperation. In my classes I teach ways to avoid giving direct orders to children. This is essential to use with these children. We can also give you options. It is important to establish clear and consistent rules and adhere to them.
5. Think of solutions:
These children should have every opportunity to learn conflict resolution skills.
Asking them to solve the problem is key, “You don’t want to stop playing and it’s time to go to our doctor’s appointment, what can we do to help you and help me in this situation?”
6. Reinforce good behavior:
These children are to be commended for their ability to persevere and, most importantly, for their ability to compromise:
“I wasn’t in my room and I wasn’t in my office, so you went looking for me. That’s called being persistent.”
“You and Michael wanted the scissors and came up with the solution to take turns. That’s called compromising!”
To learn more informational skills like these, visit us at http://www.parentingsimply.com. While you’re there, sign up for one of our great parenting workshops.